Elijahs Diagnosis

Well, i knew it was coming. The day finally arrived. Elijah has been formally diagnosed with Autism. Its kinda weird writing it. I mean, growing up i never thought i would have a special needs child. You don't think of those things when your fairy tale dreaming..you know??? I mean I was gonna have the house with the white picket fences, 3 girls, and a horse...and..well..you get the idea. I dream big ;) The doctor was very nice. our service coordinator for ei was there. It seemed pretty obvious to her, the doctor. He is well into the spectrum....there was no question. He more than qualifies. It doesn't schock me.i knew what we were up against. But still, she said it was very unlikely for him to be undiagnosed. Only a 10 to 15% chance. We now are going to get genetic testing and test him for celeiacs and caisson and peanut allergies. She was very encouraging that he should be fully functioning as n adult. I was told the worst of it he most likely will not understand sarcasm and some jokes. She commented that he is indeed very smart, he loves to figure out how things work. He was still not feeling well from this horrible tummy bug. She saw him at his absolute worst. By the end he was biting Kris and i screaming and pulling my hair...i think at that time i got overwhelmed. There is no end in site. I don't get any breaks. He is my son and i am responsible for him. But he is getting so much better..i have to remind myself to look at the positive. Elijah does talk some..that is a great sign! He is very loving very intelligent. I started services when he was young..another plus. I need to not look solely at the present..but at his future. Our next step as a family will be interesting. Financially, emotionally this can all be very draining. We had a goal to buy a house in 3 years, that probably wont happen. It is important to stay in this school district now that we have things going for him here. Its an amazing school district. We are blessed beyond measure. We have to figure out now that Elijah's services could be increased to 30 hours a week how our other children will be affected. Simple things like grocery shopping and going to church become almost impossible when Elijah is having a bad day. And now we know this is long term.
 I don't know where we go from here. I have an Autism specialist coming next week and we are going to hash out a game plan for Elijah. I am praying for wisdom. There are so many more factors in this,more than just Elijah.
But i have inherited some things from my father...i am a very hard worker. i am very loyal. if there is anything i can do, i will do it.So even though right now I have no clue what i am doing. I guarantee in a year, i will be a autism expert. because i am like that :)

Julia

I haven't spoken much about Julia on my blog..so i thought it was about time. My kind hearted princess is doing great! She is a smart cookie. We are gearing up to start kindergarten soon. She has been learning how to use a computer and surprises mommy how well she does! She has had a bit of adjusting to do with Elijah's EI teachers coming in all the time.But she is getting used to it. She is an excellent roll model for her 2 younger brothers. She makes us laugh at how she coaches and imitates just like Elijah's speech teacher. She helps me reinforce all that Elijah is learning..and she does it unknowingly. But that is just who Julia is..incredibly kind hearted and supportive, she cant help it. She has been enjoying having her best friend move to NY...we have been doing play dates to make up for lost time..although she seems to think we need to do more of them. She still continues to be daddy's "precious little one" as he likes to call her. They have been continuing their daddy/daughter date tradition..they both really enjoy it. And mommy and Julia continue to bake, sew, craft and shop together. I love having a daughter! She is such a source of joy for me. She naturally is very obedient...although is still human;) She wears dress up clothes most of the time, she loves being a girl! And she is turning the big 5 in June *sob*....i have mixed emotions on that...my miracle baby is gonna be 5???? Where has the time gone? in 5 more years she will be...never mind..cant think about that!

My days are Full!

Sometimes at night when i sit down right before i pass out from exhaustion i look at my day and wow is it full! I have no clue how i fit it all in?! Most of the time I don't fit everything in. But who does..honestly? I have maybe one day a year where i feel like super woman and get all accomplished, and then spend the rest of the 364 days trying to live up to that standard..ha ha!I totally bring it all on my self, cause frankly i would get very board with a non full day. I constantly add tasks to my never ending to do list. I think i need counseling.lol. its a vicious cycle and i happen to thrive on it...i know i am sick;) I spent the day making a big batch of red sauce, hoping to freeze some later once it cools! It turned out pretty good if i say so myself! I figure since i talk with my hands i at least am a honorary Italian. So i gave it a stab. And the best part my kids liked it even though it had green peppers and onions in it..who would've thunk it?!

       Another part of my day, i started putting together some party decorations for Elijah's family birthday party we are having. I just bought a laminator and have become addicted to that also! Oh boy! I am a laminating machine now!!! got some cute and cheap ideas and trying to be prepared, its 2 weeks away so i am hoping if i pace my self it will come together nicely. A lot of the desserts i am making are from scratch.even the train cake and frosting will be...hence the whole..i put to much on my self but cant help it thing. lol.

        Lastly, i am putting the final touches on Julia's kindergarten materials and lesson plans...insert evil laugh...which shall include more laminating..whoopee!! She is such a smarty pants..she will keep me on my toes. But she is a joy to teach, she retains things really well. Too well!

I still have a mound of sewing projects i am working on....i cant seem to find the time to fit them all in...but i will..cause you know, i am sick like that;)

Sometimes being a parent is really hard

eye contact is getting so much better!

 Today we had a meeting about Elijah. The Speech Therapist, Occupational Therapist, Special ED teacher, Elijahs Service coordinator, His accessors from Bright Starts, and Phil Burrows the Head Chairman were all there. All had pages of reports on my son. You know what hard is, listing to someone read those reports, pages and pages of them. As an Adult knowing all those things they were saying were true. But some how when you read the symptoms. you lose the person. I mean Elijah isnt a speech delay, he isn't a sensory seeker, he is my son. They forgot to add how beautiful his eyes are, how he has amazing hair..how awesome his smile is. Or what a hard worker  he is. or they forgot to mention what a snuggly guy he is, how big of a heart he has..how handsome he looks in a suit. Or how he never gives up no matter how hard something is for him.But i guess if we sat there and just talked about the good things about him he would never get better. So even though it was so very hard to sit in this meeting, holding back tears and listing to all the delays he has. I know its for the best. Elijah has an amazing team rooting for him. I feel so blessed. Its crazy during the week. we have so many providers coming into my home, invading my privacy. Totally out of my comfort zone..i miss the old days. The days i didnt have to plan my life around appointments.But you know what i dont miss? i dont miss my son not being able to give eye contact . I dont miss the constant tempers because he didnt know how to communicate his needs

he is starting to act silly to make us laugh

 I dont miss the physical outburst and aggressive behavior. I dont miss holding him while he cried in confusion because he didnt know what was going on. I dont miss feeling alone and overwhelmed because we could never leave him. i dont miss wondering if i would ever hear him talk. i dont miss the sensory outburst every time i changed him. It so funny how something so hard for me can be a blessing a thousand times in return. i mean look at this kid...


A few short months go he couldnt even look at a camera..and now he is giving me big cheesy grins!!!!!

He is running around naked cause he is well on his way to be potty trained..and some times will go on his own!!!

So the days i get a little down, and frustrated...i reminded myself how this silly, sweet, wonderful boy is worth any minor discomfort i may feel. Because even though parenting is rellly hard sometimes....its funny how easy one hug, smile or kiss erases it all away.

I pretty much talk about food the entire time

I have stared compiling my 6 week menu. Six weeks of meals. Its alot of work. But makes my life so much easier. I love recipes. My best friend introduced me to menu planning. Before i just winged it. Now i try to have a strategy...its all about strategy..or at least i pretend to have a strategy. you know how that goes with kids. If you happen to have a recipe you would like to share with me please do!!!! So as i sit here making a list of 6 weeks of healthy, good for you meals, me and my kids are eating m&ms for lunch..haha..no joke! I guess you win some you lose some..lol.

I am also compiling a dessert menu for Elijah 3rd birthday party. We are doing a dessert train party. just dessert. Its just gonna be a small party. But i want to celebrate my special boy in the way he would love, Trains! I am gonna attempt to make a train cake..and who knows what else. We are gonna set up his geo tracts in the back playroom and let the kids have fun with that. This is Elijahs 1 year photo......I cant believe he is gonna be 3!! I will have to do a special post on my lil man for his birthday.
Well off to feed my kids something to offset the candy...maybe eating whole wheat germ? Wish me luck!

Sisters

Who knew 20 years ago there would come a time i would really miss them? I guess when you are a kid you just take them for granted. I mean you spend your entire childhood wishing they would go away, stop playing with your stuff...and lo and behold when you get your wish, you miss them! How did that happen?! It must be some cruel joke, a surprising twist in life. Wasn't it just yesterday we were belly sliding threw a very muddy lake Bob (a glorified mud puddle in my parents yard), thumb tacking sheets into our parents living room celling to make a stage curtain for our numerous plays complete with make up and costumes, setting up a pretend nail salons, numerous sleep overs all in the same beds even though we had different ones, staying up really late talking and laughing and dreaming about our lives..planning how we would all buy houses next door to each other and all have our baby's at the same exact time in the same hospital? How did this happen??? We are all grown up, most of us are becoming parents, all are married. We now have lives of our own. Separate from each other..not quite how we dreamed it to be. Some have move hours away..some have stayed close. Funny how those childhood dreams were so innocent and idealistic. We just could never picture our lives with out each other. And some how we make it work...we stay close as technology and funds will allow. We try our bestest to be there for the big things in life..and if we can be, it kills us. When my sisters hurt, i bleed..i would rather go through a trial myself than see them go through one. Looking back its amazing how my sisters have shaped a lot of the person i am today. I miss those sweet innocent days of past, but sharing the present with them is just as sweet. How amazing is it to watch them fall in love get married and have there own baby's? We rejoice in each others triumph, Cry in each others sorrow.  So my sweet sisters this post is for you. Your big sister loves you, even though sometimes you still get on my nerves ;)

My Day

i have had a very full week this week. Elijah is now receiving services 5xs a week and we have been talking about 6xs a week..adding speech to the never ending list. He, typically does not handle new routines well and staying true to that has been struggling this week and has been quite aggressive. Hence the lovely bruise on his forehead which at the moment is his choice weapon. He is just so lucky he is so lovable..and i know once he gets used to this new normal he will settle down again.
                                    
Titus had his 6 month appt today, he was smaller than i thought. much smaller. i wonder if it had to do with how sick i was and surgery and recovery. He only gained 1lb in the past 2 months. Not to happy about that. He weighed in at 16 lbs 3 oz only in the 20% for weight and was 26.5 in and in the 41% for height. I will have to work on pumping(oh joy) and increasing his appetite. The doc was fine with it but i dont like it.


To add to my crazy day i made cookies and homemade mac and cheese...it was pretty good if i say so myself..its so nice to be cooking for my family again.and being able to eat! i added my special ingredient..bacon and green onions..for some crazy reason it just makes the meal! heres the recipe http://www.tasteofhome.com/Recipes/Rich--n--Cheesy-Macaroni its amazing..try it! i have searched far and wide, traveled across many continents to find the perfect mac n cheese..ok that may be a bit dramatic but seriously...yummers!  i use a whole box of macroni not just the 2 cups and add the special ingredients..and my family thinks i am amazing..cant go wrong there!


Well i have EI for elijah at 8am tomorrow so i shall sign off now!
-Tracie

Six months of Love

6 months old...wow..6 months of my sweet boy. how lucky am i?? Or maybe i should say blessed..yes thats a much better word. Six more months and he will be one.. OK, cant think about that. For now i will just think about all the perfect memories he has given me and  truly how blessed I am.