Parenting a Child on the Autism Spectrum

Man, this topic honestly could be a whole series. Parenting a child on the spectrum is no easy task. I mean, parenting a typical child is not an easy task..and then you throw autism on top of it..oh boy! There are so many layers to this subject...I will try to briefly touch on them all..i want to respect my readers time, and i really do not want to over post.

When Elijah was diagnosed, i was not in shock, i went in knowing, so when we walked out of the doctors office that day, digesting what Elijah was diagnosed with wasn't to hard for me. But dealing with what I needed to be for Elijah was over whelming for me. I don't have a special education degree, or at that point really knew nothing at all about what Autism is. What a long road i had ahead of me.

I wish i could say that road was smooth and paved for me. That i had allot of help along the way. But this was something Kristofer and i had to travel on our own. Autism has effected every aspect of our lives, no part has gone untouched by it. its a 24/7 often time exhausting job. We have plowed through sleep disorder issues, diet issues, behavior issues, privacy issues, not being able to shop like normal family, financial strains because of medical bills and testing Elijah had to have. Its just been insane this past year when i look back at what we have gone through. Holy Cow! If i dissected every hill, mountain we have had to climb..its just exhausting to think about. At least once or twice a week i have to sit down to dedicate time for phone and paper work. The list goes on and on you get the idea.

My goal when i started out as a parent was simple, just be a good steward with what God has given me. When Elijah was diagnosed, i prayed this would continue. And the research began, late nights, tuning into early morning at the computer.. researching every thing, learning every thing i could. Trying to weed through the extremist and coming up with logical conclusions. So much is up in the air about autism, and every one thinks they know all the answers, annoying frankly. How many studies have they come up with claiming to know "the cause" every one thinking they know all the answers. I really don't care at this point as to what causes it, that isn't my driving force. All I care is, how do i make myself what i need to be for Elijah? And so my journey began...

Every child on the spectrum is so different, if you think about it, every person on the spectrum or not communicates so differently. Raising Elijah is no different. I have had to learn how to think "Autism" when we have a situation with Elijah, i have to forget how a typical person thinks and reasons and go into "autism zone". I stop, and look and see what sensory triggers there could be, if its a communication thing or not and if he is just being plain old naughty. Its normally a mixture of the 3. This has taken much time, and i am getting there. Its almost like having a person live in your home who is from another country, who doesn't speak your language and has a compleatly different culture than yours. How do you communicate with them? How do you explain your culture to some one who can not understand a lick of what you say and tries to judge you by every action he can visually see? Its not easy. It takes time, often months and months dedicated to one behavior or action. As Elijah is becoming more verbal, it gets so much easier.

There are days I get worn out. Of course his worst days are when he is up for 2 or 3 hours a night, I cant just sleep through it. He needs to be watched at all times. Elijah would just wander out in the street stark naked if i let him. I couldn't trust him to know not to do that. So I often run off of 4 hours of sleep. We are slowly getting control of this..i refuse to put him on medication if we can figure this out with out it. if the days comes that we cant, we will cross that bridge when we get there. For now, we are making it. These days are hard, i home school Julia and being pregnant and having a 18 month old...well..some days are just days we survive. I really try so hard to have a good attitude with the kids those days. Ignore what i want to say and do and say and do the things that keep my testimony with my kids. What a test of self will and control!

I have learned so much parenting Elijah, it truly has strengthened me. I feel as though i have been stripped of all things that once i saw as important, like money, schedule's, privacy, church, food, home, and every thing has been affected and changed. When you are left with almost nothing, you begin to build up in a new way. Was the process pleasant? No. Necessary? Yes.

I was determined not to become bitter, very often parents on the spectrum become hard bitter people. The challenges they face every day wear them down slowly. Its sad..and lonely. Kris and I made the choice to excel. We have many many discussions, and we work as an team. We look at this as a positive experience. God gave us Elijah to teach us lessons and how to love in a very pure form. And through these lessons we have become stronger. We stopped holding things and ideals as important and truly held onto the things that God sees as important. If something makes our life more complicated with Elijah, we let it go. No "thing" is as important as my children. This wasn't an easy task. But battling to make our life "normal" became impossible. Our new normal is great. Yes it still has it challenges, what life doesn't? It still has its hard ships..what person doesn't? Instead we have focused on the every day miracles we see in Elijah's life, and how God is working through him. Its nothing short of amazing. Just stop and rejoice over the very small things...delight in the small milestones and cry tears of joy. Because of all this trial, I have been able to stand in awe at the blessings. I have so many many thing to be thankful for. My blessing truly outnumber my trials.

God has blessed me with a child with Autism.