I cried the day i found out Elijah was put on the Spectrum

I guess alot of parents get mad at the bearer of the autisium message. Our peidtrician was the one to tell my husband. He was at a well child check up for titus when she let him know that elijah had failed his MCHAT (a survey style questionair to screen for early autisium). Kris handeled it rearkably. It didnt really bother him. He came home and told me. And i cried. I dont know why. It doesnt mean i love elijah less, or he is less of a person. I had been dealing with his behaviors at that point for over a year. Its not like being put on the spectrum all the sudden makes anything thing worse/better. Elijah wold be autistic labled or not. But i felt so many emotions at that point. Guilt (was it something i had done pregnant?) Sadness(he will struggle) Hope (maybe they are wrong) fear (of the future). I sat on my living room floor with big ole crocadile tears running out of my eyes holding my son and i let it all sink in. I will always remember that day...because elijah couldnt have been any more precious or more dear to me then at that moment. I wrote that day in his baby book. And then i decided to move forward.